Not The Very Model Of a Modern Sergeant-Major

A cowardly blue falcon's lies finally catch up with him

I’ll be honest, before Governor Tim Walz was tapped to be Kamala Harris’ VP candidate, I had no idea he was a veteran. I left Minnesota decades ago, and the only exposure I have to the politics in the former “Brainpower State” is what I see on Mitch Berg’s blog, where “Governor Klink” and the DFL party he heads get regular, well-deserved roastings. So I missed all the controversy over Walz’ service in the Minnesota National Guard, which was a minor issue when he was running for Congress and less so when he ran for Governor.

I was probably one of the few people who expected him to get the pick. Gov. Shapiro of Pennsylvania would have been the obvious choice, and was the fellow most political junkies figured would get the nod, but he had two strikes against him: he was Jewish, which alienated the Hamas fanboys in Dearbornistan and the Ivy League; and he was smarter than Kamala Harris, which was probably the deciding factor. Walz, on the other hand, was from the faction of the Lutheran church that most people can’t tell apart from the Unitarians, and he’s dumber than three boxes of rocks. It’s possible his questionable connections with the Chicoms may have been a factor.

All that aside, there are a lot of people wondering how in hell the business with Walz bailing on his troops before their deployment to Iraq (and then lying about having gone), failing out of Sergeant Major Academy because of that (and nonetheless claiming to have retired as a Command Sergeant Major), plus some other lies about “carrying arms in combat”, serving in Afghanistan, all of which were helpfully compiled in this Red State article by Matt Funicello, escaped the notice of the media and GOP oppo researchers until it exploded in a giant stinking cloud.

The obvious first answer is that nobody in the Democratic Party gives a shit about any of this. They nominated John F. Kerry* for President despite his questionable record in Vietnam and his questionably legal antiwar shenanigans; they elected “Da Nang Dick” Blumenthal to the Senate, and God only knows how many other stolen valor liars to state and local office. The Democrats don’t care about the military or veterans unless they can use them as a stick to beat Republicans with. Period. In fact, that’s how they got in trouble this time. They were stupid enough to compare Walz’ record to J.D. Vance’s, and it promptly blew up in their faces.

As for the Republicans, well, one can forgive them for overlooking Walz as a potential candidate. Walz sat by for three days while Minneapolis burned before sending in the National Guard, and claimed he’d waited that long because the Minnesota Guard was “19,000 poorly trained cooks”. Walz was the governor who managed to piss away a $20 billion budget surplus and drive the state back into debt. Walz’ administration looked the other way while a collection of Somali criminals bilked the state and Federal governments out of $250 million intended to feed hungry schoolchildren. I can imagine someone on Trump’s campaign or the RNC looking at Walz and thinking “Surely nobody would pick this idiot as a running mate!” They forgot that Kamala Harris has the brains of a zucchini.

As for my standing to take a whack at this blue falcon, I’m no hero, as anyone who served with me or has read What Did You Do in the Cold War, Dad?** can attest. Still, I served my time on active duty, did a year in the Guard, and another eight years in the Reserve up in Minnesota. I did my God-damned job. I never bailed on my troops, and had my MI battalion been tagged to serve in Desert Shield or Desert Storm, I would have gone. Because that’s what I signed up to do. SGM Walz signed the same papers, swore the same oath, and when the time came for him to lead his troops to Iraq, he ran. Fuck that guy.

* ”Who, by the way, served in Vietnam.” - Rush Limbaugh
** In fact, for the better part of three years in the 134th MI, I filled a platoon sergeant’s slot as an E-5 and then E-6. Didn’t get paid for the E-7 work, but that’s the Army for you. See Chapter 11 of the aforementioned book.